Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment)
Come on a ride along with a Veteran Homicide Detective as the twists and turns of the job suddenly end his career and nearly his life; discover how something wonderful is born out of the Darkness. Embark on the journey from helping people on their worst days, to bringing life, excitement and smiles on their best days.
Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment)
Thankfulness: A Coffee Shop Conversation
What if a rental car mishap could teach you more about gratitude and resilience than any self-help book? Join me on the Murders to Music podcast as I reflect on the unexpected lessons from a challenging trip to Fairbanks and a heartfelt encounter with the parents of a homicide victim. This holiday season, we'll explore the deep-seated gratitude that emerges from meaningful moments with family, drawing from a cherished memory on the Oregon coast with my children, Justice and Keegan. Whether it's navigating the complexities of gratitude or recounting wild adventures in Las Vegas and Chicago, this episode promises insights and inspiration just in time for Thanksgiving.
From the thrill of transitioning from a patrol officer to a detective, to the emotional toll it takes on family life, hear how these experiences prepared me to support my daughter, Addie Grace, through her struggles. We'll tackle the stigma surrounding PTSD and the importance of therapy, featuring listener comments that shine a light on the hurdles faced by service members. Discover how organizations like Sheepdog Resumes aid law enforcement professionals in translating their invaluable skills into new career opportunities, ensuring they don’t feel trapped in the wake of societal changes.
As we celebrate the success of the podcast, I'll share plans for refining episodes and building a vibrant listener community. Connect with us on Instagram @murderstomusic, and join a conversation that goes beyond the episodes, cherishing the people who walk alongside us in this journey. Let this episode be a reminder to hold your loved ones close, focus on the irreplaceable moments, and fill your holiday season with warmth, gratitude, and meaningful connections.
Hi, I'm Aaron your host and I would love to invite you to leave a review, send some fan mail or email me at Murder2Music@gmail.com. Does something I'm saying resonate with you...Tell me about it! Is there something you want to hear more about...Tell me about it! This show is to provide value, education and entertainment and hopefully find its way to the WORLD! Share, Like and Love the Murders to Music Podcast!
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Well, what is going on everybody? Welcome back to the Murders to Music podcast. My name is Aaron, I'm your host, and this show is going to be a little bit different than some of the others that I've recorded. Instead of being narrative-based and providing a message or something like that, this show is going to be more conversational At least that's what I'm hoping for, but I'm going to be having a conversation with myself and you, so sit across the table from me, grab your cup of coffee and let's just chat about a few things. You know, with Thanksgiving being right around the corner tomorrow, or actually Thanksgiving today, and this is releasing on Thanksgiving, so, with Thanksgiving being today, there's a lot in our lives to be thankful for, you know, and I want to talk about some of those things a little bit later in the show. I want to give some examples of things that I'm thankful for. I want to give some examples of things that the listeners are thankful for in some comments that they've brought forward over the past six months. Can you believe it's been six months of podcasts. Already we're at episode 27 or 28. You know, I'm thinking towards the end of the year. I'm going to do a recap where I have an episode dedicated on just what the last 30 episodes have been about. You know, very, very short and succinct. I also want to go through and rename the episodes so the first part of the title talks exactly about what the topics are, and then the second part of the title can be that inquisitive, leave you with a question as to what it's all about. Anyway, you know, I'm figuring this out as we go. This is obviously new. It's the first podcast I've ever done. Seems to be getting some traction and learning as I go, so I just want to make things better. So, anyway, that's what I'm doing. But let's talk about Yellowstone television show and if you don't know what Yellowstone is, you've been under a rock for a minute. But Yellowstone the TV show. So this this season, like the latest episodes, it's pretty awesome. Uh, it's been a little bit slow going at start, but if you haven't caught the last episode yet that aired last week, then, uh, or earlier this week, you should definitely catch it because, uh, shit's about to get real in this show and it's going to be fun. So hopefully you guys are watching that. If not, I'm a huge fan. You should definitely turn it on and get caught up, so I travel a bunch.
Speaker 1:In the last seven weeks I've traveled six of them. Five of those weeks were for work. I went to Vegas with my wife to watch the Eagles at the Sphere. That was a lot of them. Five of those weeks were for work. I went to Vegas with my wife to watch the Eagles at the Sphere. That was a lot of fun. If you guys haven't been to the Sphere, it is an experience like no other. It's definitely the most experiential concert I've ever been to and probably ever will be to. It is really, really cool there and the Eagles are just awesome. So if you guys haven't checked that out, that's really cool. That was my first week. Then it went into five weeks of travel back to back.
Speaker 1:Um, I was in let's see Chicago, columbus, ohio, bend, oregon, eugene, Alaska. Those are the places that I've traveled and when I'm on the road, I'm on the road usually for a week at a time, maybe four days to a week at a time and it's just really, really, you know, exhausting because you're on all the time. When I go out on these trips, I'm out and I'm depending on who I'm talking to. I could be taking engineers and architects and designers and those types of people to training, and so they get some training and there's some entertaining and benefit there. By entertaining I mean dinners and drinks and stuff like that. Then you know, the other half of the time I'm on sales calls, so I'm out and I'm teaching, educating, training adults in our product lines in the commercial plumbing world, which in itself doesn't sound very sexy, but it's good getting out there and talking to people and just, you know, helping them solve a different kind of problem than what I did historically. So that's kind of cool.
Speaker 1:But those days are long. If I'm traveling into the Alaska market, those days are 15, 16-hour days, because by the time I get up and I do the teaching and training all day, then we hit a dinner, then we hit some drinks at night, because I'm only up there for a short period of time, by that time it's a 15, 16-hour day and then you just rinse and repeat. So I guess my whole thing is I'm pretty thankful for getting some time off right now, which is going to be pretty cool. One thing I'm not thankful for is this week it hit me twice on the same day. So I rent a car with Turo and there's going to be a lesson at the end of this, so stick with me. So I rent a car with Turo and there's going to be a lesson at the end of this, so stick with me. So I rent a car from Turo in Fairbanks, alaska.
Speaker 1:Get in the car running late because the plane is late. So I get in the car, take off, go do my appointments. First thing I notice when I get in the car is the windshield is cracked from the complete left side to the right side, and that is pretty normal for Alaska vehicles because of all the rock chips that are up there. And when I arrived it was about 14 degrees, it was misting, so frozen mist, so everything was covered in an ice fog and it was snowing. That is the weather conditions. When I arrived, I noticed this crack and went on about my 24 hours worth of business in Fairbanks, dropped the car off the next day and went on about my business, and that was it.
Speaker 1:So before I land back in Portland, I get a text message from the owner of the car wanting me to pay $800 for his broken windshield. So I messaged him back and I'm like hey, dude, I said this was broken when I got in. You know I don't have to tell you, but I didn't break your window. And then he goes on to blame me for it and you know, tell me why it was my fault. So he had sent some pictures to me prior to, uh, me picking it up and actually he uploaded them after I picked it up. But he had sent some, you know, pre-inspection pictures and sure enough there's no broken window. But these pictures were taken at some other location at some other time. There's no metadata. There's no way to prove where these pictures were taken. So I send that to him. I tell him that. Then he sends me pictures saying this is the car where I dropped it off and look, it has no crack in the window. Well, those pictures weren't taken at the place of drop-off. And I can tell that because the vehicles to the left and the right of the 4Runner when I picked it up, they're different vehicles. So this is a whole scheme to defraud, right? This is a whole scam and he's trying to get me to pay for it. I go back and forth. At the end of the day he files a claim, I give him my cop dissertation as to why my evidence is better than his and ultimately this is going to get you know played around in Turo court and they're going to have to figure this out. My whole point is actually let me tell you my next story. Then I'll tell you the point.
Speaker 1:National rental car Fairbanks, alaska. August of this year, I rent a car from Turo. About 24 hours into a 48 hour trip I get a phone call from the owner of the car that says hey, um, I accidentally double book. You need to return the vehicle. I'm going to cut your trip short. So I went back to the airport, dropped the car off, frustrated.
Speaker 1:Trying to get a rental car in Alaska in July or August is really really tough. So I go to National. National says, yep, I got one, but you have to have it back here by 8 in the morning. I'm like, great, my flight's at 7. So I get the car, drive it around, life is good. Drop it back off. Don't think anything else about it.
Speaker 1:Well, the same day that I returned from Portland on this trip and had the Turo conversation, I get a letter in the mail from National saying that I've damaged their car. It says that I've caused $2,600 damage in a cracked bumper. I didn't crack their bumper and I didn't cause any damage to their car. So I have to call National. And now I have to go to National Court and explain why I didn't break their car and there was a mess up in their system somewhere. And, anyway, super frustrating. So my whole point is you guys probably already know this, um, but I'm learning it Videotape photograph all your rental cards before you pick it up, because it could have really saved me. Either way, I'm going through it, I'm frustrated but at the end of the day, remember, guys, if we can throw money at a problem, it's not really a problem.
Speaker 1:Right this week I had the opportunity to talk to one of my homicide victims' parents. And you know, out of those half a dozen cases that stick with you, half a dozen cases that stick with you, this is one. So I had an opportunity to talk to the parents of my victim and chat with them. We just kind of reminisced a little bit about the case and that period of time in life and the impact we had on each other's lives. And, coming into Thanksgiving, that family would be so thankful for one more day with their son, would be so thankful for another opportunity to make a memory. And that is the real problems in this world. That is the real issues. If I can throw money, even if I had to pay for it, if I can throw money at the Turo and national thing, that is not really a problem. It's not. The problems lie in those things that you can't pay to get your way out of, or you can't throw some monetary value or do something and act to get away from it. It's those things that are always going to affect and change your life. Those are the real problems. That's what I dealt with for so long, and hearing the voice of these parents this week just reminded me how thankful I am for my kids, for my family, and it got me thinking about times where I could have lost my kids and things that occurred, and thankfully, you know, god was with us during these times. I'll tell you a little bit about them, so I'll start off a long time ago.
Speaker 1:So we just moved to the Oregon area Washington, southwest Washington, oregon area probably 2010, 2011. We didn't have a lot of experience out of the Oregon coast and we took the family down there. We rented a house it was probably an Airbnb or something like that VRBO and this house was on the coast. But in order to get to it. It was kind of through a private gated neighborhood. So you had to go into this neighborhood, maybe around Neatarts or something like that. That seems to ring a bell to me, neatarts, oregon. But you had to go through this gated area.
Speaker 1:Then you're in this community, and in this community is essentially a cove in the ocean. It's cut back and it's really nice and you're a long ways from the water. You are, um, I don't know, or 500 yards, 600 yards from the water maybe, and right in the middle of that is a ginormous rock. So from the beach where you just step onto the sand to the shoreline is probably 500 to 600 yards, and about halfway, right in the middle, at the 300-yard mark, there's a huge rock formation, and by huge it's 150 feet long, probably 60 feet tall and probably 45, 50 feet deep and it's got crevices and cracks and it looks like a huge volcanic rock has been dropped right in the middle of this beach. So we walk out to it, because it's the only thing around. The ocean is still another 300 yards, 400 yards away, something like that. So we walk out to it and my wife was she was back on shore, kind of in that first, you know, zero to 100 yard range, and me and the two boys walked out to the rock and we're exploring. We'd never been there before, we'd never seen anything like it. We're from Alaska, they don't have these things. So we're climbing through all the crevices and just kind of enjoying life, and justice and I are on the rock and Keegan is off of the rock and he's between my wife yeah, he's between the rock and my wife, so he's on the shore side of the rock and, um, it's pretty awesome. We're taking pictures and life is good.
Speaker 1:Justice I remember justice is this little tiny kid. He's, I don't know, four, five, five at the time, six maybe. And little tiny, scrawny kid, justice was really really skinny because of his medical conditions. And if you haven't heard that, there's an episode on here about my son, justice, his medical conditions, where it really explains the ups and downs of what he went through. The episode is called Battling the Odds A Son's Fight for Life and Future, and it was episode number three, so it was early on, but it's one of those episodes that it just touches the heart because it talks about my son's journey. It talks about his medical conditions, how it nearly took his life from my perspective and then from his perspective on the other side, knowing that he was really sick, he was dying and might not make it, and the impacts that had on him. So if you guys haven't listened to that one, give it a listen. But anyway, as a result of his medical stuff, he's super, super skinny. He was wearing these knee-high rubber boots little rubber boots with the little hoops that you pull them up about. They came up to about his knees, and he's climbing around on all these rocks.
Speaker 1:Well, as we're there, remember Keegan's down on the sand between me and my wife, but he's probably 200 yards from my wife. I am on the rock with Justice and all of a sudden this wave comes, and I can see the wave coming and it's big. It is a huge wave and I had no idea what a king tide was. But this huge wave is coming and I can tell, based on on my proximity to it, that it was going to flood this rock. But now I've got myself on the rock with Justice, I've got Keegan that is off the rock on the sand and I need to do something to save both of these kids. So the tide is coming in. So much. Justice is up probably five feet above sea level on this rock. Keegan is at sea level and the tide has now passed the rock so there is water headed for keegan.
Speaker 1:So I run off the rock, I tell justice to climb, climb, climb, climb, climb, climb, climb buddy. So I got this little five, six year old kid clinging to the side of this rock, not knowing what's going on and not understanding the you know the wave, he sees the wave but he doesn't understand the danger in this wave. Justice at the time probably weighs 40 pounds and, um, he was a really skinny kid. So I jump off the rock and I run out there and grab Keegan and I'm trying to run Keegan to Stacy, my wife, and as I do, this water is coming and the water is coming higher and higher and higher and it's passing my knees and the water is up to the back of my thighs and I've got Keegan, holding him up out of the water and I'm looking back at Justice and I see Justice getting farther away and the water is getting higher, higher and Justice is still climbing and clinging onto the side of this rock and I keep running and the water ends up getting up to my waist, maybe a little bit higher, and I've got Keegan in my arms. And about that time I make it to Stacy and I'm trying to run through this heavy water and the surge and the fear and making sure my other son is getting washed out to the ocean. And by this time the tide starts to recede, about the time I get to Stacy, so I'm able to hand Keegan off, and then I turn and run back to justice and now the water is going out. So, uh, I'm feeling a little bit better about life.
Speaker 1:Get back out to the rock and the water has receded and the sand looks like you know it's wet, but it's just. There's no evidence of water. The water is now 300, 400 yards away again, just like it was before we started, and I'm like what in the hell just happened? I had no idea that the ocean could do this or would do this. I get back to Justice.
Speaker 1:Justice is clinging up that rock about 10 feet now. Uh, on the side of this little tiny ledge You've got, imagine this little kid. There's no platform for him to stand on. He's literally grasping the side of the rock with his fingertips and his tiny little boots. At six years old. We are so thankful and lucky that he did not get washed away that day. Um, you know the water. I don't know how close the water came to the bottom of his boots because, frankly, I wasn't right there with him. I was trying to rescue the other kid and no, I'm not picking favorites, it wasn't one over the other, it was just who was in the most need. So I get back to justice, justice and I enter 10 feet up this rock, um, definitely higher than he should have been, you know, definitely. He was higher than he would have been had I just allowed him to go play and climb on the rocks at five, six years old. But I was able to get him down and uh went back to, took him back to Stace. Our day at the beach was done. I was soaking wet. I was soaking wet, keegan was wet. All of us had uh, were scared and just had no idea what the power of the ocean could do.
Speaker 1:And I think back, you know, on the times where, um, I could have lost, you know, and justice also had these, you know, thankful justice, uh, back in 2020. And he talks about this during his episode, but back in 2020, he was in the hospital for an intestinal blockage. It perforated and he nearly died. He was saved on the operating table. So there's these times in life that God has, you know, brought us right to the edge with my kid and I'm just so, so thankful that he's still here.
Speaker 1:You know, and again, it's those things that you can't throw money at. It's not the material stuff, it's not your house, it's not your job. While you can be thankful for those things, you know, family is what's going to take care of you and for me especially, being so absent for so many years doing what I did and not having those times with my family and, you know, sacrificing my family so other people could live or so I could solve other people's problems, in hindsight being 2020. And that's what this last two years has given me is a lot of time to reflect on. You know my previous 21, 22 years, and I'm just so thankful that, um, god didn't take my kids from me that day. That would have been super rough, you know, I don't know. So I've learned, and I talk about this a little bit. Most recently, there were king tides down there again, and there's a video on on the news about some gal who's on the beach and essentially gets washed up in a king tide and how she didn't get washed out to the ocean, I have no idea gets caught up in the king tide and, you know, is on her back and she's getting carried out and then catches some traction and ultimately survives and then runs like hell up the beach to get away from it. So those things are out there. Guys, be careful if you're playing out in the water. Let's talk about Keegan. So Keegan, thankful for Keegan.
Speaker 1:Keegan was 16 years old and he is uh wanting a car, just like all of our kids, right? And when they're 16 years old, they will look at any piece of crap car and want to buy it and think that that is the one for them. So Keegan looked and looked and looked I probably looked at a thousand cars online and finally I just acquiesce and give in. I'm like, fine, we want to go look at this car, let's go look at it. So we're going to go look at like a 2004, um, subaru brat. I believe is what it was A little station wagon looking car, uh made by Subaru. Um, not station wagon more. Uh, el Camino looking car made by Subaru. So the plan is we're going to go meet these guys. We're going to go meet this guy at the Walmart in Ridgefield, washington, and that is what we're going to do.
Speaker 1:So we head up to the Ridgefield, I head up after work. It's about 5 o'clock. The guy's going to meet us at 5 o'clock, so I grab Keegan, head up there. We're there at five o'clock in the parking lot and he doesn't show up. So we're waiting. Keegan and I go get ice cream, we come back. We're waiting. We're waiting. He texts and he's like hey, I'm caught in traffic coming from Portland, I'll be there soon. We're like all right, by this time at six o'clock, six, 30, still haven't seen him. Sun is now down, parking lot lights are on. It's now dark. It was daylight when we were going to start this. It's now dark outside. That's going to come into play in a minute.
Speaker 1:So, finally, 7.30-ish rolls around. I'm like Keegan, we're leaving. He's like Dad, let's just stay and look at the car. I'm like all right, fine. So seven, 30, seven, seven, 30 rolls around.
Speaker 1:This guy finally shows up. Here comes the car. Um, he texts. He's like all right, I'm in the parking lot, where are you? I told him where I was. I'm looking around. He's not in the parking lot. I can see the entire parking lot from my vantage point. He's not there, something isn't making sense with me. He's like oh, I'm having a hard time finding you. I'm driving around. There's no cars driving around in the parking lot. I'm like this is weird, not 100% sure what's going on. And then finally, here comes this brat and it comes and it parks alongside me. Now in this parking lot.
Speaker 1:I am parked along the west side of the parking lot, so behind me is nothing but shrubbery and trees. I am backed into a spot and the Walmart is to my left. So, and I'm about halfway, three quarters of the way down the parking lot away from the Walmart, this brat pulls in on my left. So it's between me and the Walmart and I get out and I've been talking to a white guy based on the name and all the information on Craigslist. But a Mexican dude shows up and there's two of them. So we get out of the car and he's like hey, sorry, I had to pick my brother up and he was in Portland. And anyway, here's the car.
Speaker 1:So we're looking at it and Keegan and I are walking around the car taking a look and the the brother in air quotes isn't saying anything. He's just standing back not saying a word. That struck me as odd. He's not a part of the conversation. He looks a little bit off. Um, yes, they look like they could be brothers. They're both 21 to 25, 26 years old. Um, look like Mexican nationals. They've got like the little ostrich print belt on and ostrich print boots and you know kids but are dressed with this ostrich print stuff. And I recognize that from working in Phoenix. A lot of Mexican nationals come across. They're wearing those things. So I'm not a hundred percent sure what's happening here.
Speaker 1:But number two isn't saying a whole lot. Number one doesn't have a lot of information about the vehicle. So I'm beginning to think maybe this vehicle is stolen. And we're looking under the hood and Keegan's like you know, I want it. Then he presents the. The seller presents you know documentation with a title in his name and I'm like, well, it's not stolen. So we decided we're going to buy the car. Higgins like, yeah, I want the car. I'm like okay. So the guy's like, well, do we want to do? You have cash? Uh, and are you going to do this tonight or do we need to do this another day? And I'm like I'm prepared to do it now. So I noticed that number two is on his phone and he kind of has been the whole time.
Speaker 1:And, uh, I go over to my car and I'm not carrying a gun at this time. I'm not carrying a gun because this is the period of health and recovery where I didn't want to be tied to a gun, I didn't want to be associated with law enforcement and I didn't. You know, carrying that gun was just an everyday symbolic reminder digging into my hip about my law enforcement past. This was during my recovery phase. It was during the heavy therapy stuff and I was really really struggling with not being a cop. So I'm trying to distance myself. So I go over to my car and I you know he can't see me because I'm blocked by his little brat. They're all on the other side of the car. And as I'm in my car getting the cash, I put the cash into my pocket. I got about $9,000.
Speaker 1:And I said, hey, are you guys going to need a ride from here, because you don't necessarily live close and what can we do about getting you guys back to where you need to be? And I'm kind of talking over the car and he's like oh no, we've got people with us. And that struck me as odd. So I come out from around, I come out of my car and as I come out of my car I make eye contact with him over the car and I stopped for a second. I said where, who do you have with you? He's like all the people in that white truck over there and he kind of indexes and points to it towards a white truck that was parked between us and the Walmart.
Speaker 1:And about that time three guys get out of the white truck and they kind of start walking towards us. And I make, when I make, eye contact with the seller, he's coming around the front of the brat. So he's walking towards that wooded area that I'm backed up against and he's got the hand in the small of his back and I'm out of my car. And we're got the hand in the small of his back and I'm out of my car and we're going to meet about the back of the brat. If timing is like he wants it to be, we're going to meet in the dark shadows, sorry, in the front of the brat, between the brat and that wooded tree line, and I recognize that I'm about to get robbed and he's got his hand behind his back. He probably has a gun. I don't. And I've got Keegan there. So I became a cop again and you know I said hold on, stop.
Speaker 1:By this time there's five of them. There's two of us, there's three Hispanic guys walking from the truck towards us. Number two has been on his phone the whole time. Number one is indexing like he has a gun and I'm holding $9,000 cash. I've got my son there and I'm not armed and can't protect us. So I tell everybody I'm like stop.
Speaker 1:I said you go back into the parking lot, back up. I said I don't know what is going on, but you need to back up. Everybody else. Stop. You three stop. Number two stop.
Speaker 1:I said here's the deal, guys, I'm a cop. I've been a cop 21 years. I don't know what is going on right now, but something bad. You guys are planning something bad and the only person going to leave this parking lot is me and my son. If you guys do anything stupid, I'm going to leave you exactly where you're standing. So here's what we're going to do you get your hand out of the small. You're back. You guys are all going to go away. You're going to take this car and go away. If we decide we want to continue to do business, we'll do it. Tomorrow, we'll meet at a bank and we're only going to do it one-on-one, we're not doing it one-on-five.
Speaker 1:In the meantime I had handed the money off to Keegan. I said go hide this in the car. I said we're about to fight, things are about to go down. I said get your knife out and get ready to fight. So Keegan takes the money, puts it in the car, gets his knife out. Keegan's ready to fight.
Speaker 1:Keegan's a big boy. He's six foot four, 230 pounds, 235 pounds, whatever he is, but he's solid muscle. I don't know how much he weighs, but he's solid muscle. And he's a stout kid and he's a. He's a stout kid. So, um, he, you know we're ready to fight.
Speaker 1:And they think I've got a gun based on my conversation and my threats. Um, and they all listened. You know I took control of that situation, took charge. They listened. Uh, the three guys went back to their car. Number one and number two got into their brat. They left, keegan and I get into our car and I am just sighing a sigh of relief.
Speaker 1:And in that moment I remember thinking. I cannot believe I showed up to this deal with $9,000 and no gun. Where the hell is my head? Where's my cop thinking head? I'm so worried about healing from therapy and recovery and everything else. I completely set us up in a situation where my kid could have got hurt and we were about to get hurt. Had it been anybody else, or had it been somebody that couldn't have taken control, that would have been an absolute robbery. They would have taken their $9,000, maybe shot or killed them and moved on with life. We were set up for a robbery and potentially a shooting and it's just, you know, kind of like Paul Blart says you know, you just put your voice into it and you know, put your head behind. You know, pretend, and that's exactly what happened. And just being able to take control of that situation verbally that night is what saved us from, at least minimum, a robbery, anyway. So that is an opportunity where I left that thinking. So that is an opportunity where I left that thinking. One, I'll never set a supply to that again. Two, I'm so thankful that I got my little Kiki bear and we got out of that, you know, alive. And then we get into the car and Keegan. He's like I'm not sure what just happened, but you know what was going on. He's like do you think we can get the car tomorrow? I'm like, no, we can't get the car tomorrow. I said the car's not even for sale. So, um, you know, it's just that experience that I've had versus his 16 year old life.
Speaker 1:This week I was talking to Stacy about patrol stuff. Uh, I saw some patrol officers out doing whatever they do and police work, and this one's quick. But just saw the police officers doing police work and they're in uniform and I'm looking at them and I'm having a moment of reminiscing and you know, I'm like I've been there, I've worn those uniforms, I, you know, I know exactly what they're doing. And I asked Stace I'm like, do you think that if I would have stayed in patrol that, uh, you know, do you think I'd still be a cop and get and do what I love? And she's like, if you would have stayed in patrol, we probably wouldn't have made it.
Speaker 1:And that was pretty eyeopening for me, um, of just how rough our life was when I was on patrol, you know. So, even though I went to detectives and experienced everything that I did, I'm so thankful that occurred and we'll take all of that weight and all of that pain and process it and deal with it the way that I need to, because I would have rather had that than stayed on patrol and lost my family. So I'm very, very thankful. You know, even the things that look like living hell when you're going through them or, in hindsight, looking back on them, they're like living hell, ie detectives and all the stuff that I dealt with dealt with. Man. If I would have known that the alternative was to lose my family, I'll take that, you know, 10 times over and over and over again.
Speaker 1:So Addie Grace, my little girl talking about detectives and kind of the, you know the crappy things that we go through in my episode. For my worst case, episode number six, parenting Through Tragedy a 12-year-old's final act and its lingering impact I talk about a little girl that is 12 years old and it was the worst case of my career and she hung herself at 12 years old and you know it absolutely tore me up for several, several reasons. Um, and that's a case that haunted me and stuck with me I had to deal with through therapy, but what it did is, after I dealt with it through therapy. It opened up an opportunity for me to be there for my daughter when she was having some issues and getting bullied and having some suicidal thoughts and tendencies. What it did do is it allowed me an opportunity to have that knowledge and that understanding and that expertise to help deal with it within my own four walls, in my life and my family. You know, the story was already written about Addie having her struggles and the story was already written about what she was going to do, you know, and God was just giving me the opportunity to have exposure to those things prior to dealing with them in my own, in my own house. And had I not been through what I went through uh, coming out of law enforcement I would have never, I wouldn't have been a proponent of therapy Again, I would have thought therapy was a joke, ptsd was a joke, and you know I don't need a dog. You do. So. Giving me the experiences that I had really allowed me the opportunity to be there for Addie Grace and to help her through that. And you know, in the end it strengthened our relationship and it just made our world better and it gave me a perspective and an angle and to be able to look through a lens that I could not only be a father, you know from the heart level, I could also be more of an expert in the field from the professional level and understand how to balance those two things. So I'm pretty thankful for that. You know, that's my family.
Speaker 1:And going into this Thanksgiving, like I said earlier on, there were a lot of years that I was absent, a lot of years that it was just Thanksgiving by you know name, and I was so lost and not present in that moment that I missed out on a lot of opportunities. And going into this Thanksgiving, guys, I'm just really really thankful for the small things. It's not what we have, it's not our house, it's not the job. While all of those things are great, it's really those that surround you every day as you walk through hell, whether it's in the corporate world or in law enforcement or anything else. World or in law enforcement or anything else. It's those times that your family comes around you, doesn't leave you and just kind of holds you in their arms, even if you don't want to be held. Looking back, for me, that is what I'm super, super thankful for.
Speaker 1:What I want to do is I want to go to a couple comments from listeners over the last six months. Just read those a little bit. And again, just some more thankful moments. So this listener says I've seen you started a podcast and I've been wanting to tune in to support you and hear your story. I know a little bit about your history from some mutual friends that we have, but I didn't really understand how deep it was or what your journey was like. I've always hesitated to say anything because we don't really know each other that well, because it's hard to put yourself out there, because it's hard to put yourself out there, but you've been an inspiration in that way, choosing to heal publicly. Two years ago I decided to start therapy for what I didn't even know until recently was PTSD, or maybe I just wasn't willing to accept it. I'm going to pause there for a second.
Speaker 1:So many of us that are in a service field that are so used to being the ones running towards tragedy, running towards danger. We are the ones that are used to giving help when people call 9-1-1, we're the ones that show up. It is so hard for us to accept the PTSD diagnosis a lot of times. This is a blanket statement and I get it. Don't crucify me in the comments, but it's so hard for us to accept that PTSD because our heart is to be the one to provide and in order to do that we have to put a shield up around us to protect us. And nothing penetrates it. But, guys and girls, things get through those cracks and crevices. When I was a canine handler, I'd put my dog on a car to smell dope and we would smell the cracks and crevices where odor could escape. It works the same way with us. As we're going into these things, we may have this shield up and think nothing is penetrating, but the stuff that we see every single smell, sight, sound, everything, taste is penetrating those cracks and crevices and soaking into our sponge. And when it is time to receive help, it is so hard for us to accept that PTSD diagnosis because we are so used to being the shielded, guarded one with a cape that shows up. And that's what this writer is experiencing.
Speaker 1:So, long story short, there's some trauma in the past. I accepted Jesus about 10 years ago and have spent the last couple of years doing some intense therapy and learning how to accept my story and myself. All that to say, I admire you so much for sharing so honestly about your story, your struggle, the PTSD, your career and your faith. I am so thankful. You know a lot of what we have is a story right and a lot of what we have is a story right. That is what manifests inside of us and maybe it's not the act. And that's where that EMDR can help go in and reprocess those things and separate the story we've given it from the event that truly occurred and maybe allow us to see it from a different angle. Emdr is freaking amazing. And maybe allow us to see it from a different angle. Emdr is freaking amazing, so it says.
Speaker 1:I hadn't taken the opportunity to listen to your podcast, but the download of your episode with the LAPD guy popped up yesterday so I thought I would listen to it just to hear what the guy's story was. And I can tell you that I'm in tears and I just felt compelled to let you know how meaningful it was for me. I knew loosely about his story from a 10,000 foot view. I remember when both of his kids passed and his story is so tragic, beautiful and moving I felt compelled to reach out to thank you for your honesty, for what you're doing. I guess it's one of those moments where I didn't know how lonely it can feel sometimes, until I hear people like you and him talking so openly about your struggles, your losses, your pain, your faith, your healing. Coming from my own past, it gives me hope. So, thank you, I didn't want to let this moment pass without letting you know. I'll keep praying for you and listeners. That is why I'm doing this as you sit across this coffee table from me, for you and listeners. That is why I'm doing this as you sit across this coffee table from me. Why I'm doing this is to provide hope and let somebody else heal from the pain that me and my guests have went through. And I don't believe any pain was without purpose. And we don't always understand it in the moment, but in hindsight or when we tell somebody else the story, we might still not understand exactly what we're saying or why we're saying it, but it resonates with other people and, um, you know, it's just one of those opportunities where we have to maybe help somebody else heal in those moments.
Speaker 1:This week, tragically, we lost a local police officer to suicide and, um, you know, suicide. And um, you know, all I can say is whatever, whatever that police officer was going through. Some of us have been through those same scenarios before. We just chose not to pull the trigger, myself included, in 2012. And I don't know what the story was for this police officer, but at the end of the day, he decided that his the weight that the world had put on his shoulders was bigger than the weight he was willing to bear, and he ended his own life. And now his family is sitting around wishing for just one more day, maybe something they could have said, maybe something they could have done, maybe some therapy that he could have got, maybe some way to express or just tell, download, debrief that weight that was on his shoulders. But instead he chose to take it into his own hands. And now this is a permanent solution for what would be a temporary problem.
Speaker 1:And there's listeners out there right now. I guarantee you and I don't know if it's me or anybody else somebody out there listening has been through the exact same scenario that this police officer was going through, whatever those demons were, and if we talk about it and somebody hears it, maybe that is the pivotal point where they say you know what? Somebody else has been here. I'm not the only one that feels this way, and I talk about police because that's what this conversation is with this officer. But this can be anywhere. This could be corporate with America, this could be a family situation, it could be anything. So, you know, that's why I do this show, and it's not about how many numbers or downloads, or listeners or countries or anything like that Although the analytics are hard to avoid sometimes, because you just want to be the best at what you do, um, but it's really about just sharing the word. So you guys, please share with everybody.
Speaker 1:This next one, uh, comes out of Florida and it's about a listener who I'm going to paraphrase some of this Um, but it's about a listener who has been a police officer for about 16, 18 years and finds himself in an environment where he's not accepted because of his race, because he is not, you know, an American. He's out of place, he's from a foreign country. I wonder if I could say that some other way. Anyway, so you know, they're yelling at him and telling him to go back to his country and calling him a racist and all this other stuff, and you know these are things that we see all the time, and he's talking about how the weight of the job is just really getting to him, with the revolving door of criminal justice and the, you know, allowing drugs to be used openly on the street and the lack of punishment. And you know my, he says, my whole life has been to do right and do good by others and to hold people accountable for their actions. Yet now I can't do that because of the way that society is and I just want out. I feel like there's no hope. I feel I'm feeling hopeless. I've sent out a lot of resumes. I've only got one interview.
Speaker 1:That was a response, you know, and he said I'd appreciate any advice that you might have and thank you for your work and what you do. It truly makes a difference for many of us. You know advice on that. You're not going to change the world, you know, and you're not going to. You're not going to change the way that society enforces laws or opens and closes doors and your perspective or your story of how you think the world should be, because that's the world that you were raised to defend and the laws that you were raised and learned to defend in your 16, 20 year career.
Speaker 1:Um, sometimes society, sometimes our current judicial system, doesn't always follow suit with the ways of the past. It's a new breed of people running it. You know, and if I had any advice to you, you can't get caught up in that. You know you can choose for yourself to either be a part of the justice system, in law enforcement, or not. And if you're going to be a part of the justice, you have to flow and move with the changes that occur around you, whether they're in your own department, whether they're administrative changes, whether they're legal changes, whether they're statutorial changes, whatever it may be in this world, shit is going to change around you and you have to be able to flow with that and not take it personal.
Speaker 1:For me, I took it very personal and everything that happened outside my four walls of my department affected me, like they were attacking me, george Floyd and the movement and the defund, the police and that we hate the cops all of that was directly on my shoulders and they were talking to me and that is what helped manifest me to the place where I needed to get out and that compounded my PTSD, compounded my PTSD. So I guess my advice to you would be let what happens on the outside of your four walls um, you know, be background noise. Don't let it be the focus of your story. And where you're at as far as taking option number two getting out of whatever field you're in this field we're talking about law enforcement. But whatever field you're in um, there is life on the other side. Do not pigeonhole yourself into a place where you feel like your only, your only um option is to stay where you're at Cause that's all you know. You've been a police officer for X amount of years and all you know is what you're doing and you're not usable anywhere else. If you've got anything from my story, start at episode one, listen to them all. You're going to hear. The journey Cop to corporate is a great one. You know there was a.
Speaker 1:Recently I learned of a place in Seattle Washington called Sheepdog Resumes Sheepdog Resumes. Sheepdog Resumes understands. It's a police officer, a 30-year police officer, and a lady who is a journalist and she's an author and a journalist and, you know, is a wordsmith and between those two they understand nobody's hiring a homicide detective, but what they will do is they will take your skills, that you have to have to be the homicide detective or the child abuse detective or the patrol officer and write those into a resume. So, instead of it being title based, it is more skill based and they'll write those in such a way that they can take a look at them and one they'll get caught by all the AI that's reading resumes today. Cause, guys and girls, today is beyond the, beyond the. You know everybody's hand reading a resume. It's all run through AI. So they'll put the keywords in there.
Speaker 1:But also, taking a look at your skills, they will, um, tell you hey, I think you'd be good in this field. Maybe here's some job options. Maybe some things you haven't thought about, you know, or maybe this is another avenue for you and some things you haven't thought about. All I'm saying is your skills are relatable to the real world. Trust me, I've been there and in the last two years I figured that out on my own.
Speaker 1:But Sheepdog Resumes out of Seattle Washington is an organization, if any of you are listening. Out of Seattle Washington is an organization, if any of you are listening, I'm not paid. They don't even know who I am, um, so you know it's not like I'm getting a kickback or anything, but reach out there, guys. Anyway, you know what guys? I just want to say thank you, guys, so much for listening. Thank you for coming along this journey with me. Hopefully I've been able to help you or a friend, or you've passed this on to somebody else. Um, I love and I'm so thankful for the hell that I've went through, if my pain is with purpose and I can help somebody else along the way, if I could have reached out to that young man that took his life this week and been like dude. I've been there. Um, you know, june 13th 2012, I had a gun in my mouth and I chose to go a different route, and here's all the great things that occurred as a result of it. You know, I would have loved to have that opportunity. So if you guys need anything, feel free to reach out.
Speaker 1:Murders to music at gmailcom, and that is the number two. Murders to music at gmailcom. You can catch me on Instagram at murders to music. That one's spelled just normal. I don't know why I do that, but murders to anyway. So, murders to music gmailcom. Uh, on Instagram at murders to music. Follow, listen along, be a part of the show. Leave me your comments there on Instagram, send me some messages, give me those five-star reviews in your different listening platforms, help boost the algorithms and get this thing out there to the world. Ladies and gentlemen, we love you. Thank you so much and remember, as you're going into this holiday season, starting with Thanksgiving through Christmas and the new year, what really matters is not what you're spending your money on, not what you're doing for your Thanksgiving dinner, what gifts you're getting to put under the tree. It's the ones that are around you, to your left and your right, that you can wrap your arms around and hold tight. You guys, hold your family tight and have a awesome, awesome Thanksgiving. And that is the Murders to Music podcast.
