Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment)
Come on a ride along with a Veteran Homicide Detective as the twists and turns of the job suddenly end his career and nearly his life; discover how something wonderful is born out of the Darkness. Embark on the journey from helping people on their worst days, to bringing life, excitement and smiles on their best days.
Murders to Music: Crime Scene to Music Scene (Streamline Events and Entertainment)
Unveiling Pride, Dateline and Sin: What's Hiding Behind Your Reflection
I found myself thrust into the limelight as I worked on a murder case so gripping it attracted the attention of shows like Dateline and 48 Hours. This episode invites you to experience the complexities of balancing transparency and professional demands, all while navigating newfound media attention.
I open up about how my drive for external validation and pride impacted both my career and personal relationships. Over the years, I've taken on roles that fed my desire for approval or need to be needed, from my chosen profession to playing in a band, resulting in stress and defensiveness. Unpacking my journey through law enforcement, I reveal how stepping back from the job allowed me to reflect on the dangers of pride, teaching me the essential values of humility and self-awareness. Listen as I highlight pivotal moments that transformed my understanding of self-worth and indispensability.
As we close, I invite you to stay connected with Murders to Music and join us for more thrilling episodes. Next up, we feature an extraordinary tale of resilience from a woman who survived a terrifying kidnapping and attempted murder in 1985. Her harrowing escape at knife point , hands duct taped and the strength she found in the aftermath is a story you won't want to miss. Connect with us on Instagram, share your thoughts, and leave a review—we appreciate your support and are excited to bring you more captivating stories.
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Welcome back to the Murders to Music podcast. My name is Aaron, I'm your host and thank you for coming back for another week. On this episode, I'm going to tell you about an experience that I had as a police officer. It's a unique experience, not one that every police officer gets, and specifically as a detective gets, and specifically as a detective. That experience, in hindsight, coming out of law enforcement and looking back was good, bad and ugly for me as a human being. It exposed a side of me that, in hindsight, I'm not proud of and a sin that I was committing. And I think there's a lot of people who are listening to this who may also be suffering from this or may have this experience in their life, but it's identifying it and having the courage to identify it is what's going to separate us from the wheat from the shaft, if you will. So before we get into that, I want to talk to you about what I have coming up in the coming weeks. So recently, a case was adjudicated of mine. It's a cold case, murder that occurred in 1980. I'm going to talk about that case. I'm going to talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm going to talk about that case. I'm going to talk about the good, the bad and the ugly. I'm going to talk about how that case was solved. I'm going to talk about the killer and I'm going to talk about things that occurred during that trial that affected me good and bad and how therapy has helped me resolve some of those issues and how therapy has helped me resolve some of those issues. And this is going to be presented in such a way that it doesn't matter if you or me in that court proceeding or in that case. You can understand the parallels.
Speaker 1:Remember, this podcast is designed to educate, entertain and provide value in people's lives. I want to use the experiences that I've had and I want to share those with other people to maybe bring light to their world, maybe help them see something from a different angle that they haven't experienced in the past, and simply just to make their lives a little bit better. I want to do it in a way that people don't mind listening. I want to do it in a way that people don't mind listening. I want to do it in a way where it comes across easy. I'm going to be vulnerable, I'm going to be transparent, because I believe that is very important in conveying messages. Nobody wants the BS fluff of all the right words and saying things the right way. I'm just going to tell you the way that it is and the way that I see it. Let's get into the experience that I had.
Speaker 1:So in 2016, there's another episode on this but I was involved in the lead investigator on a homicide that occurred in my city. This homicide grew great attention because the killer broke in late at night through a bedroom window, committed a brutal and heinous murder, stabbing the victim upwards of 70 times, attempting a decapitation, and ultimately left the scene and left the victim alive. The victim, after being brutally stabbed and attacked in her home, was able to call 911, report this crime and ultimately help capture her own killer. She died a couple of hours later and the case went on for several years prior to it being sentenced and coming to a conclusion, drew a lot of attention from the media outlets from different avenues, both television, radio, print, internet. This case got national attention and, as a result of that, I was contacted by Dateline and 48 Hours and snapped three television shows that focus on homicide investigations, detectives and generally good police work.
Speaker 1:Now I have to back up to when I was eight years old. When I was eight years old, I remember watching that cops episode, which is what got me involved in interested in law enforcement in the first place, ultimately got me on that ride along at eight, ultimately got me into uniform at 13, which I came out of uniform about two years ago Now. When I watched cops, I watched it for years with my parents and I remember always telling them I'm going to be on that show, I'm going to be on cops. It watched it for years with my parents and I remember always telling them I'm going to be on that show, I'm going to be on cops. It was something that I always wanted to do. I always wanted to be on the television. I wanted to. It was cool. I mean, there's something cool about being in the spotlight. There's something cool about being in a uniform and just doing God's work and helping people along the way. I think that is a very noble career. It was a very rewarding thing to do and it's just a goal that I had in my career, goal that I had in my career Well, come 2016,. I now have that opportunity.
Speaker 1:I've been contacted by three major television shows and they all want to profile my case. So I started the conversation but I had to be careful because this case was still active and ongoing and I wasn't able to share all of the details with any of these television shows producers or affiliates. I started cultivating a relationship with the Dateline producer His name is Shane Shane and I began talking and I was able to share some details of the case with Shane and I trusted Shane to the point where I could talk to him and tell him things, and I knew that he wasn't going to use them against me and that he was going to keep them under wraps until he was able to actually use them. But during this process, I knew that I was going to be working with Dateline. I knew that I was going to fulfill that childhood goal of working and being on a television show. And what better way to do it as through a murder investigation? That is the pinnacle of my career as a police officer. That is what I wanted to do. I wanted to work my way up to detectives and I wanted to work homicides. That's what I'm getting to do. Way up to detectives and I wanted to work homicides, that's what I'm getting to do. So building this relationship with Shane is just a natural step in moving this way and I got to be honest with you, it felt good. It felt good to be working with a national producer of a national crime television show.
Speaker 1:This wasn't just cops. This wasn't a traffic stop that went bad and we get into a foot pursuit. This was a homicide investigation, a nationally known homicide investigation. So I was in a pretty good place in my world. I really liked what I had going. I met with Shane a couple of times. We discussed the case. I gave him the ins and the outs of what we expected and kind of kept him up to speed as this case progressed. You see, it took several years for this investigation to come to a point where we were able to actually bring it to trial after making an arrest. Now here's your spoiler alert. Spoiler alert is the victim was a lady. The lady's ex-husband had a new wife. The new wife was the killer. She is the one that broke in and brutally attacked the victim with upwards of 70 stab wounds.
Speaker 1:There was a lot of complexity in this case. If we were able to use some type of evidence scientific, physical, whatever it was we absolutely spearheaded everything we could in this case to try to solve it. That includes DNA, includes handwriting analysis, it includes physical evidence, blood evidence, blood spatter evidence, everything, interviews, surveillance, you name it, we threw it at this investigation. You name it, we threw it at this investigation. That is one of the things that made this case so exciting and sexy, if you will. It's not the level of violence that was being profiled, but it was the police work.
Speaker 1:The focus was on the investigation. The focus was on all of the intricacies that were used during the investigation and because I led the investigation for four or five, six years, whatever the number was I was the center of that attention, which is exactly where I wanted to be. I knew that, looking around the room in the detective unit, that there wasn't anybody else in there that could say they had been where I am. I was working with people, had a lot more experience than me and at the end of the day, I was somewhere that I felt they wished they could be. I felt they wished they could be. I had an investigation, my case was wrapped up tight and I was going to be airing this on national and international television very shortly. So, after the trial process, we were able to work with Dateline directly and at this point we're preparing to film the episode. That is just another part of me that was excited. I was very proud of it. I was very. I let everybody know that this was going on. I didn't keep it a secret and it's something that I was excited to do. It was an exciting part of my career and that in itself is not bad. So I come out of law enforcement, I'm on medical leave and a short time after coming out on medical leave I'm asked by Shane to come and for the day of this episode. So that's exactly what I do.
Speaker 1:I remember getting dressed up in a very nice suit. I remember shaving my head, making sure I didn't nick or cut it. I remember trimming my beard, making sure the lines were straight, the length was correct, trimming the nose hairs. I had to make sure that my suit and my shirt and my tie and my bling all matched because I was going to be on national television. My family was going to see it, my coworkers were going to see it. Everybody was going to be on national television. My family was going to see it, my coworkers are going to see it, my everybody was going to see this and there was a lot of people who's excited to see it, because they knew of the type of work that I did, but they didn't really get to see it from the inside out. And that is what Dateline was going to do. It was going to give them the experience of being in my seat for a few days Now.
Speaker 1:At the same time I was working with Dateline, I was also working with a television show called Snapped. Snapped is a television show where they focus on female killers who snap and create brutal murders, who snap and create brutal murders. So I was working with both of them at the same time and, as the chips fell, we were going to record both episodes on the same day. So the day of the recording, I get up, I get dressed and I go to meet with Shane. We meet at an empty, vacant building in downtown Portland. After meeting at the building, I meet with this production crew and it's, you know, something like I've never seen. There was lighting everywhere. There was big lighting and little lighting. I'm not a lighting guy, but it was there. There was cameras, lots of cameras. There was a seat out in the middle at a desk. The desk had microphones all around it. There was a production crew. There was assistant producers. There was sound and lighting techs allowed a small amount of fog or haze into the room, so it would have that mystic, mysterious vibe about the room.
Speaker 1:When it was shot with video, I remember we spoke about the way that the case was going to go. I went over and when it first started, the first scene was going to be me walking towards this desk in the middle of this empty room. I remember thinking to myself man, this is going to look weird. There's not a police department in the world that has a single desk in the middle of this big room. But that's what they want to do, so that's what we're going to do. I sat down. I remember him telling me okay, flip through the pages. Pretend you're reading the reports, take a look, point at this, point at that. So I'm going through all of this.
Speaker 1:Then comes the interview. The interview was conducted on another day. With that interview, I got to tell the story, and I got to tell the story from the beginning, the middle and the end. I finally got to showcase the work that I did, and by I say I, this was a team effort, but you know, there's always got to be somebody leading that team right, and that was me and that was my thought process. So I tell the story and after I get done with Dateline, I immediately drive over and meet with the Snapped team. From there we film an entire episode of Snapped Same thing. There's interviews, there's reenactment, there's all of this stuff going on. This is a very long day of production about 13 or 14 hours of being filmed. Then you have to sit and wait.
Speaker 1:So we waited for several months for them to produce this and once it was produced we had a show date, an airing date. So at that point I threw an airing party, I invited a lot of people to my house, provided food and everybody got to watch this Dateline episode for the first time together. I was surrounded by my peers, by showcased on a national screen. From there I go on about life. I'm no longer working at the police department because I'm on my medical leave for my mental health, but somewhere inside I'm still very proud, I'm still very prideful, no matter where I go. I'm talking about Dateline. You know, hey, my name is Aaron. I got a Dateline episode and that's just the way that I was, and that was a way of. I was very, very proud of it.
Speaker 1:But then, as God does, he gives you time to reflect on your life. And that is exactly what occurred. See, I got to come out of law enforcement. I got to separate myself from the day-to-day of spinning plates. Now we've all seen those people who have the poles and they spin the plates on them and they get one plate spinning two, three, four, 10, 15, and they just keep these plates spinning.
Speaker 1:I didn't realize that's what I was doing for so long, and I took on a lot of plates. So I allowed myself to just think about why that I was taken on so many plates. And the reason that I spun so many plates and did so much for so long was because I wanted the approval of others. I wanted people to like what I was doing. I wanted the accolades of man you did a really good job, you see. But all that did was increase my stress. I would take on more and more. I would take on engagements at church, a lot of drumming, take on engagements with my band. I could schedule as much as I could with my band because I wanted to be up there and get those accolades, and it was also some of it was self-serving, but a lot of that was therapeutic. With my music it was always going, going, going At work.
Speaker 1:People told me that I was wound tight. They told me that I was condescending. They told me that I was condescending. That's like when I'm talking down to you. I had high anxiety. I was very critical of others. I was upset when people pointed out my shortcomings. I was very quick to defend myself. I was never able to tell anybody. No, I was very defensive about everything. Some people call that passionate. All I was trying to do was seek others' approval. Yet I was very insecure.
Speaker 1:It gave me time coming out of law enforcement to look back and try to figure out what was going on in my life. I knew I wanted the rewards and success. I knew I was the best, or at least that's what I believed. I believed that I was the only one that could help somebody else. If there was a sexy case, it was mine. If there was a murder, I was involved. If there was an interview that needed to be done and it was a high stakes interview I was the one getting tapped on the shoulder to go in. I had a lot of success in playing drums, had a lot of success in solving cases. I had identity in my career and the title of homicide detective, the title of child abuse detective, because in my mind that is all what I always wanted to be and I had finally got it. I always wanted to be and I had finally got it.
Speaker 1:I remember telling people that I pissed excellence and I can't in hindsight I can't believe that I actually told people that, but I told somebody that. You know, it's tough being in this role because usually I'm used to pissing excellence and, hindsight, I'm not proud of that. What is all of this? What is all of this? All of this is pride. Pride is the root of all evil. I can't believe how prideful I was throughout at least the tail end of my career. You know, and as you go back to that spinning plate analogy, eventually you're going to start to drop some plates and they're going to start to break and I think that it's at that point where I got thrown out of my career and it gave me a chance to look back on this.
Speaker 1:You know, the Dateline experience is the first thing that really brought attention to this in my world, that really brought some light to this, because that was a highlight in my career, it was a pinnacle of my career. I was one of few that got to do that, but looking back on it, I realized just how inflated my head had gotten. And the real pivotal point where I realized that I wasn't that important is that I left work on a Thursday, never went back and the world kept turning without me. Cases kept getting solved, people kept dying, people kept going to jail. I was not the critical piece that I thought I was Now. That didn't mean that I didn't have a God complex or maybe a superiority complex or some other big words that I don't even know the hell I'm saying, but at the end of the day, or some other big words that I don't even know the hell I'm saying, but at the end of the day, I felt like I was Superman and that is how I viewed my life.
Speaker 1:Had I stayed in the career, I would have continued with the prideful behavior. I'm almost positive, but I think that God takes you and he puts you exactly where he wants you when he wants you there, and for many reasons it was my time to come out of law enforcement. But one of the things that I think I don't think, but I think it was part of the divine plan was to have me come out and eventually give me time to permit reflection. Me come out and eventually give me time to permit reflection on my career and on me personally. You see, in some jurisdictions the difference between murder in the first degree and murder in the second degree is murder in the first degree contains an element of time to permit reflection, of time to permit reflection, meaning if you step into a situation it's a heat of the moment situation and you kill somebody by shooting them or whatever else means you decide to do and it was an instantaneous act. Then murder in the second degree If you come in and you think, man, I could kill this person. If I do, I'd go to jail but it would be okay, I'd probably spend 15 years. I think 15 years is worth it and then you kill the person. You've had time to permit reflection Because I was spinning so many plates in my career I was never able to reflect.
Speaker 1:I was only able to boast, build my pride and not even realize what an asshole I had become to myself, my family and those around me. I had got into a situation where I was too big for my britches and I think that part of me coming out of law enforcement was God giving me time to permit reflection on who I really was as a human. Because inside I didn't start out that way. I started out as somebody who was out that way. I started out as somebody who was, I felt, rather humble and somebody who was maybe doing things for the right reason. And I won't say that at the end I wasn't doing things for the right reason, but I will say that I enjoyed the attention and the success and the accolades from others. I was good at what I did. That is okay. Loving yourself is okay. Being an expert or excellent in a field is okay. I feel that I was an expert in my field and that I was very good at what I did, and that is why people came to me. All of those things are okay. You must love yourself before you can love others. That is okay. What's not okay is the excessive love of yourself, and I think that's where I was going, a little bit snowblind and maybe losing track and going the wrong direction.
Speaker 1:I haven't discussed this with my wife. She has no idea what this podcast episode is about and I have not discussed any of this content with her but what I can tell you. She's a very honest woman and almost without a doubt, after listening to this, she is going to highlight that she saw some of these things and recognized them. There's another situation going on with my church. This is a situation that's going on the last six months, eight months a year.
Speaker 1:You see, they hired a new guy for the music department and after they hired him I had been playing at church a lot over the previous years before he came on. I'd played there for seven years or something. Every Christmas I was playing, every Easter I was on playing multiple Sundays a month at some times and I was an integral part of that music program a month at some times and I was an integral part of that music program. Then they hire this new guy and he doesn't use me as much. In fact I only got used three times one year. I haven't been used at all in the last year, but that's because of the issue I'm about to tell you about. You see, I blamed him because he was picking his favorites and he was only using his people and I wasn't getting used and he was doing me wrong and I was pissed off and angry. If you remember my Easter episode of when I lost my mind in Easter, it was because of him and because of this situation.
Speaker 1:Hindsight, was it his problem or is it my problem? Is there a pride issue there where I feel like I'm entitled to more than maybe I deserve? I think it is. I think this is a me problem, not a him problem, and to to recognize these things and to admit them is really, really hard.
Speaker 1:Even as I'm talking to you today, I am not proud of anything that I'm talking about. I feel like a total buffoon buffoon. I feel like I lost my path and I lost my way in getting too big of a head. Everything was going right, everything was going the right direction Work, church, my home life sucked. But the stuff that really mattered to me, the stuff where I spent my time and energy in church, in music, in police work all that stuff was going good because I was giving a lot of time there, and the better it went, the bigger my ego got, the bigger my head got, the more prideful I became. I just kept spinning those plates until they all crashed.
Speaker 1:You know, what does the Bible say about pride? It says pride is the root of all evil. It says that when pride comes, then comes disgrace. But with humility comes wisdom. The fear of the Lord teaches a man wisdom, and humility comes before honor. Before his downfall. A man's heart is proud, but humility comes before honor. Before his downfall, a man's heart is proud. That's exactly where I was.
Speaker 1:How many people listening to this right now can honestly say, if you think about it, that you are not a prideful person, whether it's your toys and trinkets, your house, your car, your job, your title Think about it your life, who you are at work versus who you are at home versus who you are when you lay down at night. And it's just you, your thoughts, god in the pillow who can honestly say that they don't struggle with pride? I think, if we're being honest, that not many people can say they're not prideful, but it's recognizing it. How are you seen by others Now, during this time in my life when I was in the height of this I do believe that my wife saw it I believe other people probably saw it. Who knows what they were saying when I wasn't in the room? What are people saying about you when you're not in the room? What are people thinking when they look in on your life from the outside, just like I couldn't see it because I was in the middle of it.
Speaker 1:It took a break, it took time for me to permit reflection before I was able to identify a sin in my life, and I believe that sin in my life sin of being pride. I believe that sin in my life has caused some of the ripple effects that I felt over the last six, eight, nine months, probably the last six, eight, nine years, but I wasn't able to see it till I got out. I think that being prideful is something that is natural. It's natural to love yourself, remember. It's natural to love what you do, what you become an expert at, what you're excellent at. It's okay to love your surroundings, love your family, love your job, love your stuff. It's not okay to excessively love yourself or love those things over people around you. That becomes pride. You know, I read that pride is one of the seven deadly sins for a reason it closes our mind to learning, it makes us selfish and it jeopardizes our role as leaders and as good family men and women. And by putting pride aside, it can help us in our endeavors, in our day-to-day walk, in our day-to-day life.
Speaker 1:Now, what can you do if you're honest enough with yourself to identify that you have an issue with pride. Maybe you don't, maybe you are the one that doesn't, but if any of this is ringing true or resonating with you, maybe consider being aware, being aware of who you are, being aware of how others see you. Granted, we don't live our lives for what other people, how they see us or how they perceive us. That could be a them issue. It could be an us issue. Either way, just be aware.
Speaker 1:Wake up and take a look at your own life. Remember, don't take yourself too seriously. I took myself way too seriously. I was a cop, a homicide detective, a child abuse. All the sexy stuff was mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, and that in itself grew an ego that was absolutely too big. Ask the right questions. Take an insightful look at yourself. Ask yourself questions. Be strong enough to ask those around you that you know will be honest with you. Be open-minded to change.
Speaker 1:Prideful thinking can be interpreted as you're aware of the highway. By staying open-minded, you're already serving yourself and your family and your people better If you feel yourself. Shutting someone down, being condescending, closing people out because of the amount of money they make or what they do or what they have or don't have. Just be open-minded to that. Be aware, listen, listen, listen, listen, don't talk. We all have the know-it-alls in our life. You don't have to be a know-it-all, sometimes you can just be a good listener. Those are some of the things you can do if you've identified this pride in your world.
Speaker 1:I don't know if any of this is ringing a bell with anybody, but I can tell you that I feel personally, as I'm working through this and as I look back on my Dateline experience and achieving that goal that I wanted as an eight-year-old kid, I would have done things differently. I would have guarded my heart a little bit more than I did, heart a little bit more than I did. I would have challenged myself to not become prideful or to not boast in the experience that God was giving me. This is not a sermon, this is not a Bible study lesson, but it is something that is convicting me. It's something that I'm having to recognize. I owe some apologies to people. I owe apologies to my church people I owe apologies to, probably, my family. I'm not beating myself up and I'm just simply identifying a shortcoming that I have. Some of you listening also have this shortcoming and you don't even know it. Some of you do know it and you realize that the way that you're living is the root of all evil that you're experiencing. Whatever it is of all evil that you're experiencing, whatever it is, just like everything else in this podcast, I hope that you can learn from some of the places that I've been.
Speaker 1:I was on top of my mountain. I was at the pinnacle of my career. I was doing stuff that nobody else had done. Having success that nobody else had done, having success that nobody else had. Spinning plates like nobody else could. I was seeking my rewards and success and being the best in everything. All of that was pride.
Speaker 1:I hope you guys got something from it. Please take a look inward, not outward. If you can make some change today to help you tomorrow, don't wait until your plates fall like I did. Don't wait until you're forced into a time to permit reflection. Think about it ahead of time. I can't be any more raw and real than that. It's a sin that I had in my world. Can't be any more raw and real than that. It's a sin that I had in my world, sin that I had in my life and a lot of my problems are my own fault, especially over this last year.
Speaker 1:And with that said, I just want to wrap up by a couple of reminders. One if you guys like what you're hearing, feel free to follow us on Instagram at murders to music. If you guys are listening on Apple podcasts or Spotify, find that review button, give a five-star review. If there's a place to leave a comment, feel free. You guys can also send me fan mail on a lot of those different apps. If you guys want to communicate with me, you want to be on the show, you want to show support, you want to say hey Aaron, I understand, thank you for sharing. Or hey, aaron, I still think you're an egotistical prick. That's okay too. You can hit me up at murders2music at gmailcom. Murders the number two music at gmailcom. Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Come around in the next couple of weeks for the murder cold case, murder episode. Here are the ins and outs of that case. One thing that I didn't tell you, that I'll tell you now, is that in 1985, my killer tried to kidnap and murder another woman. That woman was able to escape, she was able to call the police and he was convicted of a lesser included crime. I'm going to have her on the show. She's going to tell her own story about escaping the hands of a killer, what her experience was like being duct taped at knife point. So come back in a couple of weeks for that. We love you guys. That is the Murders to Music podcast.
